| Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: I married someone after dating mostly long-distance, but there were compatibility issues that were hidden by the distance, and it didn’t last. After several years of not meeting anyone I really, really liked post-divorce, I met someone who seems to be a great match for me. And, after seven months of dating, he is about to take a job that requires so much travel, it will basically become long-distance, and we don’t live that close to begin with. How do I decide whether to try this again, as it is the one thing I swore I would never do again? Adding to the problem, I am in love with him and he is not there yet. I don’t want to do the distance unless both of us feel strongly about the other and want it to end up in the same place. I understand there are no guarantees. He says he really likes me and thinks it is worth the investment to try long-distance. I’m not sure “really likes me” is enough. I don’t want to be drilling him with questions about how *exactly* he feels and what he wants if we “worked out.” But last time, I paid a lot of attention to how much I liked the guy and not enough attention to how much he liked or prioritized me back. Adding to my concerns, the current guy occasionally gets distracted, and our very frequent contact will suddenly completely disappear for a week or so. He is a widower with teenagers, so there are somewhat understandable reasons, but the sudden changes in contact level leave me very unsettled and feeling a little expendable, though most of the time I feel loved, valued and respected — and am laughing and smiling nonstop. Long-distance would be a total leap of faith, and it terrifies me to think I would put myself through this for someone who won’t ever actually love me back. — Anonymous Read your responses to this week’s reader question We asked readers to channel their inner Carolyn Hax and answer this question. Column Carolyn Hax and Haben Kelati | | | | 
