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Dec 03, 2024

“Today Was a Good Day,” as we all know, is a 1992 cut by the rapper Ice Cube, describing a pleasant day in his life. Meanwhile Cube, or Cubetto, in Italian, is more than just the last name of that song’s rapper. It is a fresh cheese made by the Casa Madaio dairy farm in Campania, Italy. Chopped olives are added into the fresh cow and buffalo milk to produce the cheese, which has an intensely sweet flavor with, guess what? A hint of olives. Just like this newsletter.

The cheddlines today also celebrate the fact that Ice Cube did not even need to “use his A.K.” on this “good day,” with an A.K. being an automatic weapon, the non-use of which summed up the goodness of said good day and, if you read deeply enough, could be seen as just a day in which huge violence did not occur. Rather than, say, a great Tuesday, or anything. Some of today’s cheddlines are similarly positive in that they could be a lot worse but still, aren’t exactly wonderful. Judge for yourself:

• ‘Moana 2’ Dominates Thanksgiving Box Office
• Stoli Files for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy But Don’t Worry You Can Still Drink It
• Boss Who Makes Meh Cars Quits
• People Still Want to Travel, Says Exec of Travel Company
• FBI Antagonist Could Lead FBI

The Lakers beat the Supersonics!

—Matt Davis, Need2Know Chedditor

P.S. We’ve got a man testing a Tesla’s insane acceleration…with a banana…on our ‘gram.

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Disney's magic is sailing the high seas again with "Moana 2" shattering box office records worldwide. The sequel to the beloved 2016 hit has now opened to—wow, that's a lot of money—$221 million domestically since its Wednesday debut just before Thanksgiving. That’s the highest five-day opening of all time, and the best Thanksgiving opening for any film, ever. It’s more than both "Frozen"s, for crying out loud.

Reviewers are perplexed because the film is, they say, bad. In fact, they say it’s a boring and confusing corporate product. Popular opinion, which is never wrong, begs to differ. The movie got 87% on Rotten Tomatoes and stars The Rock as a demigod named Maui who helps Moana search for a lost island. Based solely on this synopsis, I think I’m inclined to agree with the professional reviewers people. It was originally slated to be a miniseries for the Disney+ streaming platform, then Disney CEO Bob Iger announced it was going to be a movie, after all. That man can smell box office!

Globally, the film has also garnered $386 million, and 2024 has proven to be a golden year for Disney, with "Moana 2," "Inside Out 2," and "Deadpool & Wolverine" marking the top three domestic openings of the year, despite the fact they are not good. The Rock will also be pleased, because his other Christmas action movie, “Red One,” with Chris Evans, had soft returns when it opened on November 6. Still, it’ll be streaming on Amazon by the holidays, and you’re sure to succumb to its charms eventually, because you have no choice. Read More

Stoli Group USA, American guardian of the iconic Stoli vodka brand, has filed for bankruptcy amid a—ahem—cocktail of challenges.

The company finds itself grappling with shrinking demand for spirits that aren’t involved in making espresso martinis, a longstanding legal battle with the Russian government (which always turns out well), and a devastating cyberattack. Which is better than falling out of a hotel window, we've heard.

The brand assures enthusiasts that Stoli vodka will remain on shelves as it sails through the Chapter 11 process, aimed at restructuring debt without interrupting operations. Until 2022, the United States knew Stoli as Stolichnaya, a nod to its connections with the Russian word for "capital city." However, in the wake of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine and subsequent global boycotts against Russian-branded vodkas, the brand opted for a short rebranding to Stoli. This move was part of an extensive effort to distance itself from Russian affiliations, a narrative further complicated by the brand’s heritage and the geopolitical tapestry it weaves into. As in, Stoli is Russian vodka.

But wait! The Russian Federation has targeted the company and its owner, Russian-born billionaire Yuri Shefler, who was forced into exile in 2000 due to his opposition to President Vladimir Putin. Russia has since labeled both the company and Shefler as "extremist groups working against Russia’s interests." (Vodka? Acting against Russia's interests?) Adding to Stoli's challenges, the firm has disclosed a significant cyberattack that crippled the company's operations, forcing them to resort to manual processes as they work tirelessly to rebuild their systems. I wonder who on earth could have been behind that? Read More

Stellantis, the fourth largest automaker in the world, which owns Chrysler, Jeep, Fiat, Peugeot, Ram, Dodge, Peugeot, and Maserati, has announced the resignation of its 66-year-old CEO, Carlos Tavares, in the face of a range of (ahem) roadblocks to the company’s ongoing success.

Tavares’ departure comes amid disappointing sales figures, a backlog of inventory, layoffs, and mounting pressure from the head of United Auto Workers and a council of U.S. dealers for him to go. He was expected to retire in early 2026, but you know what they say about expectations: They weren't great.

Stellantis' shares fell more than 8% the following Monday, signaling investor unease. Some analysts said it might be a good thing, though, because clearly Tavares was, uh, not good, even though he was being paid €36.5 million. A statement from the union praised the CEO's resignation as a “step in the right direction” for both Stellantis and its workforce. Read More

"Consumers continue to prioritize travel. They are certainly telling us that when they have discretionary income, they want to go travel, they want to see the world," said Brigit Zimmerman, the chief commercial officer at Priceline, which helps people do just that.

Priceline’s AI assistant, Penny, can help you navigate an “awayborhood,” when you’re booking, which sounds like a thing a marketing team came up while they were drinking Stolichnaya vodka because, honestly, how is that different from a neighborhood?

“When you are traveling and you find yourself in a destination, you want to feel like you're at home, you want to feel like you know how to navigate the local neighborhoods, so that you're part of the culture and part of the fabric of being in that local neighborhood,” Brigit said.

Luckily, Penny can also help you plan your trip.

“She'll help you understand what you can do in the local neighborhood,” Brigit said. Just like a guidebook, or the worldly friend you don't actually have. Read More

In January, Kash Patel, a 44-year-old from Long Island, is set to take over the FBI from director Christopher Wray, who Trump himself appointed and who has nearly three years remaining in his term. That’s if the Senate confirms Patel, of course… which is not looking 1,000% likely. Can you guess why not? That’s right: Because he’s from Long Island. Kidding. It’s because he’s not 1,000% qualified for the job.

For a start, Patel's proposed plans for the FBI are nothing short of radical. He has said he plans to dismantle the bureau’s headquarters in Washington, D.C., and disperse its staff across the country. But that’s just the start. He also once nearly botched a high-stakes hostage rescue in Nigeria by wading in without authorization, and he has claimed he investigated the terrorist bombing on the U.S. Embassy in Benghazi, Libya, when he had no role in it as a federal prosecutor in Florida. He also pushed the “Russia hoax” narrative when the Justice Department secured surveillance warrants on a Trump adviser accused of communicating with Russia during the 2016 election. And he’s promoted lies about the legitimacy of the 2020 election.

Do you need more? Well, he did write a series of children’s books, in which he portrays himself as a wizard, wearing a midnight blue robe covered with glittering stars and half-moons. In the books, Donald Trump is known as “the King.” Look, if he gets he job, I know what business I'm going into: importing olive oil organized crime. Read More