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Remember when IBM was most associated with a corporate name and not a simple statement of fact? Well, the cat is out of the bag. And so is everything else. Welcome to 2026 America, where thousands of citizens across the country are repeatedly racing, trotting, and running to the bathroom in a hopeless attempt to cut loose from the bowels of hell, only to find the stool has been pulled out once again, the GI bill has come due, the motion has been passed, everyone is full of crap, the shit never gets cut, the bile never ends, and the promises about food safety we once believed are now null and void, and void, and void. I know there must be a metaphor here somewhere, but in this case, the literal is a more urgent matter. As the cyclospora outbreak has exploded across 47 states, it’s probably a reasonable moment to pause (to the extent possible) and assess the ways in which bags of lettuce could have bagged so many victims. If nothing else, this makes for some interesting bathroom reading. NYT (Gift Article): 9 Vulnerable Moments in the Life of a Bagged Salad. For example, there’s number 6: “Labels like ‘pre-washed’ and ‘triple washed’ on bagged lettuce mean that it has been cleaned, often in a trough-like machine that tumbles the lettuce through flowing water to dislodge any soil or other debris, and through a food-safe sanitizing solution to kill microbes. If there is too much debris in the water, the chemicals can’t kill all of the pathogens — and the standard chemicals in these solutions, like chlorine, don’t kill cyclospora.” (I know we’re just shooting the shit here, but it sure feels like America’s salad days are over.)
+ Meanwhile, the FDA announced a recall of frozen fruit bars sold nationwide because they may contain glass.
2
The Mother of All Prattles
“President Trump this week promised an ‘economic D-Day’ against Iran, a ‘crushing’ operation to ‘cripple’ Iran. The U.S. clampdown is formidable, a combination of wartime destruction, a naval blockade and sanctions that have already put the Iranian economy under more pressure than its regime has experienced in decades. But between the lines of the administration’s threats was a signal that Mr. Bessent made as clear as ever on Thursday: Mr. Trump does not want to go back to war right now.” NYT (Gift Article): The Message Behind Trump’s Threats of ‘Economic Warfare’ Against Iran.
+ “Anyone can get distracted now and then, and say things out loud he or she probably shouldn’t say. Perhaps an excited friend lets on about a surprise party, or a co-worker dishes up some unseemly office gossip. Or, if you’re the president of the United States, you might reveal some numbers about an adversary’s nuclear arsenal and then admit that those weapons, even a relatively small number of them, are pretty darn useful.” Tom Nichols on the latest craziness. Donald Trump Effectively Just Told Iran to Get a Nuclear Weapon.
3
Everyday AI Write the Book
At this point, it still feels pretty easy to tell if something was written by AI. If nothing else, we sure have a lot of examples to study. As many as a third of web pages posted since the release of ChatGPT may be written by AI. Pew Research used AI to figure that out. How Much of the Internet Is Written With AI? (I don’t use AI to write any part of NextDraft, but after today’s top story, you probably wish I did...)
4
Weekend Whats
What to Binge: I love coming of age teen dramas. There, I said it. And Sterling Point on Prime is an excellent one, worthy of a weekend binge because it’s entertaining, and because I have a feeling several of the actors will be on our screens for a while.
+ What to Watch: “When the past catches up with two former spies, their biggest challenge isn’t car chases, shootouts or fistfights — it’s telling each other the truth.” Unfamiliar on Netflix is an excellent entry into the husband/wife spy genre. One warning: it ends without a clear resolution and season 2 has yet to be confirmed. I still recommend it!
5
Extra, Extra
If You Build It, They Will Come Around: The Supreme Court temporarily allows Trump ballroom construction to continue. While the decision is temporary in theory, the construction has been going on “with a 250-person crew working 20 hours a day, seven days a week.” So at most, the court may draw the line at a second coat of gold paint.
+ You Can’t Vandal the Truth: Flock cameras are designed to stop lawbreakers, but they’ve also created a new crime. Amid intense backlash, people are vandalizing Flock surveillance cameras.
+ Bros Before Nose: Apparently, some students in Happy Valley wanted to be even happier... “Pennsylvania’s attorney general on Monday charged 13 former and current Penn State students with felonies and misdemeanors related to a cocaine trafficking operation that he said involved packaging the drug at fraternity houses and distributing it to students.” Penn State Fraternity Members Are Charged in Cocaine Trafficking Case. “Members of the Sigma Chi and Delta Upsilon fraternity houses helped package the cocaine, he added, sometimes as part of the initiation process for new members.”
+ Ship Happens: CNN: Navy weighs renaming carrier slated to honor Black war hero, potentially switching it to Trump. Meanwhile, remember how Hegseth insisted that all the stories about the mental health crisis aboard the USS Lincoln were fake or exaggerated? Well, the carrier is heading home (I’m sure for totally unrelated reasons).
+ Another Bad Bet: “More than 150 wallets on Polymarket International may have traded on inside U.S. military information, attracting copycat bets and raising concerns that the market could broadcast signals exploitable by foreign adversaries.” (The administration should block this, but they’ll probably try to get in on the action instead...)
6
Feel Good Friday
“On her way to an early morning exercise class, she was confronted and chased by a man wearing a Halloween mask that many observers have compared to the horror character Chucky. Recalling her training, she stopped, turned and delivered a kick to his chest.” A Masked Man Was Scaring Philadelphians. Then He Picked the Wrong Woman.
+ “Built on the mRNA platform that allowed Moderna to quickly roll out COVID-19 vaccines five years ago, intismeran is a genetically personalized vaccine that instructs the patient’s immune system to attack tumors, slowing melanoma’s progression and spread.” Moderna’s skin cancer vaccine shows promise in trial.
+ A brain injury changed David Jackson’s life. Now he’s running 100 ultramarathons in 1