Stepmom’s efficiency mindset makes getting to know her a chore Dear Carolyn: When I’m not at my university dorm, I mainly stay with my mom, but I’m spending this summer with my dad and new stepmom, “Megan,” to get to know her better. I’m struggling. She’s nice and makes my dad happy, but her entire life is ruled by not wasting even a second of her time. Her constant refrain is: Time is the only thing you can never get more of. Everything she does is done in the most efficient way possible; all outings are meticulously planned, even her weekly trip to the grocery store. I asked if she wanted to go to the farmers market with me, and she asked if I had a map or list of the vendors. When I said no, she said it sounded like a big waste of time. With her, there’s no appreciation for an unplanned moment or surprise encounter. I can’t even enjoy cooking because she barges in and shoves me aside, saying, “That’s not the best way to slice an onion,” cut the herbs, bread the chicken, etc. My dad said she’s like this because of her job (project manager), but even her hobbies are treated this way. It’s not like she uses her saved time to relax. She just crams more projects into her life. I understand that people are all different and that’s a good thing. But I’m a nervous wreck if I’m driving her somewhere, because one wrong turn and I’ve wasted some of her time, the worst sin imaginable. In fact, I’m always worried that I’m annoying her or wasting her time, so I’ve been avoiding her one-on-one, which makes it hard to get to know her. I can’t think of a way of discussing this with her without it sounding like a criticism. Which isn’t what I want. Can you help? — Wasting My Stepmom’s Time Carolyn’s been writing her advice column for two decades. Explore the archives below. |
