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When I was younger, I thought music was my calling. I played gigs in tiny bars, feeding off of the applause of strangers. When I’d learn a new song on guitar, I just did it because it would get me validation and attention.
Over the course of a few years, that reliance on external validation made me start to hate music.
Instead of practicing scales, I spent hours every day on forums and message boards, writing 10-page arguments about why Tool’s drummer was better than Soundgarden’s, or something equally unimportant.
At the time, I figured I was just procrastinating. But looking back, I realize I was doing the thing I actually loved—writing, thinking, arguing. Getting lost in ideas, not applause.
My motivation for music was fragile. I wasn’t creating for its own sake… I was performing for approval.
My motivation for writing was genuine. I was doing it simply because I felt it needed to be done. Regardless of who saw it or what they thought.
If you start with external metrics, you build a transactional treadmill.
I play music → You clap → I feel good.
But if you start with internal metrics, you build momentum.
I write what I’m proud of → You like it, or don’t → I feel good regardless.
Status isn’t the enemy—it’s just a terrible foundation.
A little bit can motivate you. But if your self-worth depends on applause, you’re basically an emotional street performer.
These days, I try to measure success differently:
If I’d do it in silence, it’s probably worth doing.
If it needs an audience, it probably isn’t.
Funny enough, I spent years chasing music for the crowd—when the thing I was meant to do was the one I did when no one was watching.
See you Monday,
Mark
P.S. It’s easy to say you'll do the thing you'd do in silence. Much harder to tell which of your drives are genuine and which are performing for an audience. That's a blind spot most of us can't catch alone.
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