| Carolyn Hax is away. The following first appeared May 27, 2012. Dear Carolyn: Eight months ago, after a brief illness, my 57-year-old friend’s husband died. Their marriage had always been a bit rocky, and after his death, we’d learned that he had been involved in some questionable activities. Needless to say, her emotions ran the gamut from disbelief to anger to grief. During this time, I was there for her to listen, care and encourage, and supported her decision to seek counseling. But now, I’m concerned she might be moving too quickly through this process. In the past five months, she’s had cosmetic surgery, lost a lot of weight, traveled internationally and moved into a new home. My friend is an exceptionally bright woman, and far more capable than most. She tells me, “Life is short, and I’ve decided to be happy.” She’s excited about potential summer romances with men she’s meeting online. Our conversations are now 95 percent about her: her new body, all the men who are smitten with her, how great her job is, her new house and how much fun she’s having. She shows little genuine interest in my life, which I suspect she considers a bit boring. While I’m truly glad she’s not miserable, our time together has become intolerable! Her self-absorption and lack of insight into how others might react to so many radical changes so quickly are perplexing. I briefly expressed some of my concerns, but her response was, “Would you rather see me as a maudlin, grieving widow?” Is it possible to power through so many life changes so quickly without collateral damage? And how can I handle my discomfort in spending time with her? — S. |
