| Hi, Carolyn: My mother-in-law — who was a wonderful woman — has declining mental acuity after a stroke and is sometimes rudely direct to me, my wife and her husband, in ways that are extreme extensions of traits she previously had but largely kept in check. This makes visits to see my in-laws stressful, and the last couple of times we’ve gone there have been a series of arguments that I’d love to avoid in the future. Last time, for example, she was rude to me, and my wife interceded on my behalf, which then led to a large blowup between my wife and her dad. He is also dealing with the stress of caregiving and wanted my wife to overlook her mom’s behavior, which I would have been fine with. And I am embarrassed to admit it, but previously I have been the one to get annoyed, too, usually about midway into a week-long visit. We are all basically kind people who mean well, but we’re struggling to be together. Is there some way to better bank patience or goodwill before seeing them? Any other tips? I did take a morning out midweek and go to a coffee shop last time, which helped, but we are otherwise somewhat cooped up at their place. They would be offended if we stayed at a hotel (and our kids enjoy staying with them). — Anonymous |
