| We asked readers to channel their inner Carolyn Hax and answer this question. Some of the best responses are below. Dear Carolyn: I’ve been married seven years. It was my first marriage but my husband’s second, and the first one ended due to his cheating. That was of course a red flag, but he won me over. One thing my family urged me to do, and which I’ve read in numerous places, is to make sure I have money set aside “just in case.” That was really important for me here since (a) I was shifting to part-time to focus on starting a family, and (b) he had a history (not just cheating, but his ex felt she got shorted in the divorce). So, we agreed to send our incomes into a joint account, but I secretly sent 10 percent of my earnings to a separate account. Ironically this was his mom’s idea; she was upset about how his last marriage ended. Fast-forward to now, and my husband was going through tax records for a loan application (he’s a furloughed federal worker) and asked about the interest statement from my separate account. I froze and played dumb, but he figured it out pretty quickly, and I had to come clean. He was apoplectic. He says it shows lack of trust, and he’s mad about the lying. While I get that, I haven’t backed down, saying every woman in my situation would do this. I didn’t mention his mom. He doesn’t believe me, and also says he feels betrayed because I now have enough in my account to cover the mortgage payments for which we’d need the loan. He said he’ll definitely leave me if we can’t use my emergency money for the mortgage and might leave me either way. How do I explain to him that this is something we women must do to protect ourselves? Should I enlist his mom and/or tell him it was her idea? Do I relinquish the funds? We do need it, but we can get a loan too, and the whole point is to keep it in case of divorce, and now that’s exactly what he’s threatening! — Secret Money | 
