| Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: I have been married for about 28 years. My husband was always a little controlling and insecure. Over the years, as he has matured, he has gotten better in those areas. I realized a few months after our second child was born that he was having an affair. As you can imagine, this was a very hard time. I was really surprised because, as far as I knew, he was not a cheater. However, a few years after that, he cheated again. This time, the woman was from out of town (she was a colleague), and he invited her to stay in our house, saying she was just a friend. The kids were still little, and to be honest, I did not want this woman raising my kids, which is what would almost certainly have happened if we had divorced then. Recently, I noticed he was still in contact with the second one through social media. He acted like he wasn’t aware and said he stopped contact. At this point, I really cannot imagine how to improve this relationship. We are in counseling. He says he wants to stay together. I kind of feel numb toward him, and I really feel like I can’t trust him. Is this relationship savable? If so, how? Also, how badly would a divorce impact older kids? A while back, a person wrote in about leaving his wife, and you seemed to indicate it was even worse for older kids than for younger, and I do not want to hurt my kids any more than we already have. — Can This Relationship Be Saved? | 
