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Ostriches don’t actually bury their heads in the sand. But after reading this story, you might want to. It all started out as a plight of a few hundred feathered friends suffering from bird flu in Canada. Then things got weird. Actually, considering the times in which we find ourselves, I suppose you could argue that’s when things got normal. For example, there’s this excerpt from the story: “The farm began to fortify. Trip lines were laid around the ostrich pens and hooked up to bear bangers to scare away intruders. Supporters equipped themselves with walkie-talkies. And Dave and Karen started sleeping in the ostrich pens.” And trust me, that’s just a warm-up. I know what you’re thinking. Dave, I really don’t care how weird this story gets, I’m just glad you’re not leading with any insane political news that pummels our frontal lobes like Mike Tyson works a speed bag. Well, don’t take off that cranial helmet just yet. This is 2025, and the same cast of characters that poisons our headlines infects everything, spreading their ill-informed influence faster than the virus at the heart of this story. Thus, there’s no point in saying spoiler alertwhen the same thing spoils every story. Which is how we get to this outtake: “The activists had been camping out for months; their numbers sometimes reached into the hundreds. They knew the government was saying that the ostriches had bird flu, but they were convinced that this was cover for some other, bigger scheme. The feds were conspiring with the United Nations and Big Pharma, they said. Small farmers’ rights were being trampled. But Dave and Karen’s birds had other, more powerful friends. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was making calls to Canadian officials; Dr. Oz had offered to evacuate the ostriches to his ranch in Florida.” Even when you’re just trying to read a story about ostriches, you can’t go cold turkey on these guys. Daniel Engber in The Atlantic (Gift Article): All the Ostriches Must Die.
2
Stop Making Cents
A penny for your thoughts? It turns out both are decidedly out of style these days. “The U.S. Mint on Wednesday ended production of the penny, a change made to save money and because the 1-cent coin that could once buy a snack or a piece of candy had become increasingly irrelevant.” At the time they stopped being minted, pennies cost about four cents to produce (which seems like a bargain compared to most government purchases). Will we miss them? I guess we’ll find out. The half-cent was discontinued in 1857 and that hardly ever seems to be an issue.
+ If you missed it last week... Burger King Braces for the Demise of the Penny. (This story refers to Burger King the restaurant, not the person in the Oval Office...)
3
Thought Experiments
“Every four years at the Cybathlon, teams of researchers and technology ‘pilots’ compete to see whose brain-computer interface holds the most promise.” These technologies can be life-changing for those like Owen Collumb, who was paralyzed in 1993. But the advances in computer brain interfaces could impact everyone at some point. NYT (Gift Article): Let the Mind-Control Games Begin! “With artificial intelligence increasing the accessibility and sophistication of technological progress, the integration of organic and robot life is now a matter of degree. How tightly should we embrace these new tools? Will they make life better in the end? Can they change our idea of what people are capable of? The Cybathlon and its participants distill these questions into something concrete. ‘This isn’t showing your disabilities, it’s showing what you can do,’ Mr. Collumb said. ‘You may be in a wheelchair, you may not be able to move, but you can compete.’”
4
Band of Brothers
Jimmy Kimmel lost his childhood best friend and show band leader this week. Take a few minutes and listen to Kimmel’s tribute to Cleto Escobedo III. It’s not only an homage their friendship that somehow stretched from their childhood neighborhood in Vegas to your living room, it also serves as a tribute to friendship in general, especially those that have lasted decades. Jimmy Kimmel Remembers His Best Friend and Bandleader Cleto Escobedo III.
5
Extra, Extra
New Epstein Episode: “In one email from April 2011, Mr. Epstein told Ms. Maxwell, who was later convicted on charges related to facilitating his crimes, ‘I want you to realize that that dog that hasn’t barked is Trump.’ He added that an unnamed victim ‘spent hours at my house with him, he has never once been mentioned.’ ‘I have been thinking about that,’ Ms. Maxwell wrote back.” NYT (Gift Article): Epstein Alleged in Emails That Trump Knew of His Conduct. And Read 3 Jeffrey Epstein Emails That Mention Trump. (Why do I have a feeling the next thing we’ll be reading is the pardon of Ghislaine Maxwell...)
+ Clickbait Tackle: Google is trying to take down a group sending you all those spammy texts. (AI can do a lot, but when it comes to the stuff users really want, lawsuits are apparently still the best weapon.)
+ I-Phone, Therefore I Am: “You can present your Digital ID in place of a REAL ID at TSA checkpoints using your iPhone or Apple Watch. But Apple notes that it isn’t a replacement for your physical passport, and that you can’t use it for international travel or border crossings.” Apple launches a Digital ID and says it’ll be accepted by the TSA.
+ Head Out on the Highway: “Waymo is finally ready to hit the highway. Starting today, the company’s robotaxis will gradually start to include more highway trips in its routes in Phoenix, San Francisco, and Los Angeles.” The best detail of the driverless highway experience so far comes from Rachel Swan in the SF Chronicle. Her Waymo was stuck behind a truck that had its blinker on but wasn’t changing lanes. “So the Waymo car signaled and passed the truck on the left, providing a clear view to its driver-side window. Inside, the driver was steering with one hand and holding a cell phone to his ear with the other. He appeared not to notice that the car beside him had nobody at the wheel.”
+ Your Job Sleeps With the Fishes: “There are few American mariners today because only a small proportion of international commercial shipping is done with vessels flying under the American flag, meaning they are registered in the United States, follow the Coast Guard’s regulations and employ American citizens. The jobs pay well, but often require people to be away from home for months at a time. Demand for civilian mariners could soon rise because President Trump and a bipartisan group of legislators in Congress want to revitalize the American shipbuilding industry.” Mariners Wanted: Six-Figure Salaries and Months at Sea. (If you can promise there’s no internet access, I’m in...)
+ Edit Discredit: Margaret Sullivan on the BBC editing story that ended up edited out the organization’s top brass. “Yes, this was a bad mistake that was not adequately acknowledged or corrected when there was a chance to do so. That is something that calls for internal examination and external acknowledgment, some of which has occurred. But the current aftermath of the long-ago error – the film was published last year before the US presidential election – is significantly out of proportion.” And more on the backstory: Make no mistake – this was a coup’: the extraordinary downfall of the BBC’s top bosses.
+ Sandwich Bar Exam: “The group was careful to avoid politics, she said, and instead focused on several key questions: Had the sandwich actually ‘exploded all over’ CBP agent Gregory Lairmore, as he’d testified? (Specifically, they analyzed—and at times mocked—Lairmore’s claim that ‘I had mustard and condiments on my uniform, and an onion hanging from my radio antenna that night.’) What was Dunn’s intent in flinging the grinder? And what actually constitutes ‘bodily harm’?” Ashley Parker in The Atlantic (Gift Article): Inside the Sandwich Guy’s Jury Deliberations.
6
Bottom of the News
Just yesterday, my mom and I were talking about the 12 years it took to complete repairs on a very short bridge in our neck of the woods, and I said, “Maybe China does know how to get things done better than we do.” Then today, I see this headline and video. New bridge in south-west China collapses into mountainside. Mom, on second thought, 12 years seems about right...