|
 |
I’ve been reflecting on my goals lately. Some I’ve crushed. Others? Not so much.
Take my goal of losing a few pounds. I’ve had the same goal for about a year now, and while I did manage to lose a few pounds before my trip to Japan last spring, I’m now back to the same weight I was pre-diet. But, if I’m honest, my plan for this goal was less of a plan and more of a vague hope. I told myself I wanted to maintain a certain weight, but after reaching it, I didn’t follow through.
Also, there’s this carrot cake from Hot Oven Bakery in my neighbourhood in Toronto that keeps calling to me at night…
(If you’ve never had their carrot cake—moist, cream cheese frosting, worth every one of its expensive dollars—don’t start now. It’s irresistible. A month ago, I spent an entire evening craving it and didn’t have a single slice. Victory!)
 |
Contrast that with my writing. As you know, last year I set a goal to write one Substack post every week. Week in and week out, I did it. Not because I had to force myself, but because I genuinely enjoy the process. I love brainstorming new topics, digging into ideas, and finding ways to connect with my readers. Writing isn’t a chore for me—it’s something I want to do.
The difference between wanting to do something and feeling like you have to is at the heart of what I want to talk about today. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from years of research it’s that the key to achieving your goals isn’t self-control. It’s loving what you do.
Let’s start with why my goal of losing weight has been such a struggle. If you believe the popular narrative, the answer is simple: I just need more self-control. Resist the carrot cake, bub! Power through the cravings. And yes, there are moments when that works (remember last month?). But here’s the problem: these small self-control victories don’t add up to success in the long term. Yes, I might win the very occasional battle with carrot cake, but I will not win my war against it.
Research from my own lab shows that self-control might get you through the occasional temptation, but it’s not a reliable strategy for long-term success. Why? Because temptation doesn’t go away. Every time I walk past Hot Oven Bakery, or spot carrot cake at a friend’s place, I’m forced to wrestle with my impulses all over again. And no matter how disciplined I am, self-control has its limits.
 |
|
Some scholars suggest self-control strategies like situation selection—banishing temptations from your environment. Never walk past that bakery: problem solved, right? And sure, this can work in specific, controlled situations. But these tools have limits because we don’t live in hermetically sealed apartments. Carrot cake still shows up at dinner parties, donuts in the office kitchen, and poutine at the pub. The world is full of temptations you can’t entirely avoid, and relying on situation selection alone won’t keep them at bay.
Temptation finds you, no matter how clever you think you are. And research spearheaded by Carleton University professor Marina Milyavskaya confirms this: self-control strategies work some of the time, but they don’t add up to long term success. The real key to success isn’t battling temptation—it’s removing the battle altogether. She found that people who achieve their goals aren’t necessarily better at resisting distractions. Instead, they experience fewer temptations in the first place.
This brings us back to writing. The reason procrastination doesn’t tempt me the way that carrot cake does is because writing aligns with my values. It feels meaningful, energizing, even fun. While I don’t love denying myself that slice from Hot Oven Bakery (oh, what I would do for a slice right now!), I do love writing. Sometimes, I even dream about it—not in a surreal Lebowski dream sequence where I’m dancing in bowling shoes to Kenny Rogers, but in a simpler way: perfect turns of phrase, posts that stir the pot just enough, and ideas that just… abide. I wake up thinking, “I love this”.
The godfathers of this work are Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, professors at the University of Rochester, whose Self-Determination Theory elegantly explains why some goals succeed while others sputter. According to their research, motivation exists on a continuum, ranging from controlled motivation on one end to autonomous motivation on the other.