Look, we've done this 99 times.

We have been detectives, chefs, astronauts, wizards, and rock stars. We've sent you treasure maps, legal summons, prescriptions, and love letters. We have designed this offer as a museum exhibit, a video game, a secret society initiation, and a political campaign.

We've exhausted the themes. There are no more metaphors. There are no more clever angles left in the universe.

There is only the offer.

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The Offer, Deconstructed

Offer: Complimentary Fire Safety Kit
Provider: State Farm
Cost: $0.00 (Free)
Contents:

• 1x Smoke Alarm
• 1x Fire Extinguisher
• 1x First-Aid Kit & Fire Blanket

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We're all tired. Please, just take the kit.

(Please don't make me do another one.)