Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photo: Larysa Pashkevich/Getty Images/iStockphoto |
One afternoon, a day after having sex with someone for the second time, I found myself hunched on my kitchen floor as a stinging pain throbbed inside my vagina. I’d started to feel discomfort right before I knew he was going to finish, and I knew immediately what that meant — a couple of days of pain, exacerbated by a neurological condition I suffer from — but I’d long been conditioned to ignore pain if it benefits men. I wanted this new guy to feel good, too. He left shortly after we finished. I didn’t want to be alone, but the “rules of modern dating” often interfere with what I need as a trauma survivor. That happens a lot; all of the “shoulds” around relationships and sex we’re supposed to care about, like being likable or focusing our lives on finding a partner, go out the window when compared to the impact of trauma. Since most people I’ve dated or slept with aren’t following the trauma survivor rules, though, I often try to appear normal, chill, like somebody who would be easier to be with than maybe I actually am.
|
|
|
Gossip, revelations, and timelines. |
|
|
Personal-finance columnist Charlotte Cowles asked dozens of people for their tips on how to navigate a busy wedding season. |
| |
|
Selena diagnosed with breast cancer at 30 weeks pregnant. "I couldn’t have a turkey sandwich or sushi, but they could pump something into me that was gonna knock me on my ass. It sounded so wrong," she says, of the prospect of starting chemo. |
| |
|
Lynn Whitfield has been going to Korean spas for almost five decades — here's how she gets her skin so good. |
| |
|
Dive into all our stories on style, self, culture, and power. |
Subscribe now to save over 40% on unlimited access to the Cut and everything New York. |
|
|
Every product is independently selected by editors. If you buy something through our links, New York may earn an affiliate commission. For more shopping advice, sign up to get the Cut Shop newsletter every Friday. |
|
|
|
