Welcome back to your trusted week in review, written this week from the middle seat on my way to San Francisco for a Free Press debate. Our first flight was canceled after we sat in the plane for many hours, and I’ve slept very little, so I am ready for war. This week is a short one because of that, plus I have to prepare for the big event (attending the debate after-party, and wondering why my pinot noir is taking this long).

→ What kind of refugees wear cargo shorts: The Trump administration made good on its promise to allow certain white South Africans to claim refugee status in America. This week 59 Afrikaners (descendants of the mostly Dutch colonists who began settling in South Africa in the seventeenth century, also known as Boers) arrived on our pearly shores, hungry for biltong, ready to crack open a hard cider for a sundowner after the braai. Imagine explaining the Triple Dipper at Chili’s to these people. Everyone is being weird about their arrival, except, surprisingly, the Afrikaners. First, the Trump administration. Here’s what the deputy secretary of state said when welcoming the lucky 59: “When you have quality seeds, you can put them in foreign soil and they will blossom.” Quality seeds. He means genes, strong white Dutch seeds to be exact. The Danes and the Dutch are major sperm exporters, and so this week the Trump administration, yet again, agrees with America’s lesbians. Personally, I feel that blondes are fundamentally inbred, but to each her own, Mr. President.

Anyway, the Afrikaners really are fleeing persecution, and those denying it probably on some level think they deserve it—a little ancestral blood justice. But the farm murders are truly not a hoax, and a popular South African political leader named Julius Malema really does gather together huge crowds to chant things like: “Shoot to kill. Kill the Boer.”

Or as The New York Times has explained it: “Right-wing commenters claim that an old anti-apartheid chant is a call to anti-white violence, but historians and the left-wing politician who embraces it say it should not be taken literally.” It’s a metaphor, silly goose.

The African National Congress, South Africa’s governing party, is furious that Afrikaners are calling for help and gaining sympathy among the American right: “What the instigators of this falsehood seek is not safety, but impunity from transformation. They flee not from persecution, but from justice, equality, and accountability for historic privilege.” Impunity from transformation. Accountability for historic privilege. I can’t believe only 59 have left! My favorite part is that at the bottom of the ANC letter is a contact for media inquiries. Reach out to: Mangaliso “Stalin” Khonza, National Communications Manager. Indeed, his nom de communications guerre is Stalin. Pray tell, Stalin: What does transformation look like here?

MSNBC agrees with the idea that the Afrikaners must stay in South Africa and learn accountability. Here was a panelist named Rick Stengel: “These are the descendants of the people who created the most diabolical system of white supremacy in human history,” and “There’s just been a small handful of farmers that have been killed. . . it’s just a farce and a sham.” (It’s more than a handful.) So it’s evil that their ancestors went there, and also evil for their descendants ever to leave. Tricky puzzle, this one.

Then comes the Episcopal Church, which has been helping resettle refugees for decades but said they would not help the Afrikaners, and will instead entirely end their resettlement partnership with the U.S. government over it. “In light of our church’s steadfast commitment to racial justice and reconciliation and our historic ties with the Anglican Church of Southern Africa, we are not able to take this step.”

Two things can be true at once (and yes, I should get this phrase tattooed on my person): The Trump administration can embrace a more eugenic immigration philosophy genuinely at odds with Episcopalian beliefs (all souls being equal and such) and the Afrikaners can be legitimate refugees who are in danger. We’ve grown so accustomed to refugee applying only to “young men seeking economic opportunity” that we forgot that not all refugees are ambitious 23-year-old Moroccans looking to enjoy the greatness of capitalism! Me, I’m balanced: pro-immigration but neither racist nor anti-racist. I don’t care if you’re a Dutchman or a Moroccan. I just believe our border entry should be determined by a combination IQ and physical fitness test, a quick grade on baby-rocking ability, see how long it takes you to down a Triple Dipper, then Jordan Peterson personally deciding if you’re too neurotic, and boom—welcome to America. Here’s your Amazon warehouse tunic. Lekker? Lekker...