| Dear Carolyn: I have a close friend I have known for about four years. We also share a large group of mutual friends, though we are closer with each other than with the rest of the group. We are all single adults in our 20s and 30s. I am wary of the friendship becoming codependent. If I spend time with another friend without informing her first, or don’t keep her updated with my schedule, she becomes very upset. She stops responding to my texts and calls and ignores me for days at a time. This always blows over, often with me apologizing many times and receiving no apology in return — until it happens again in another couple of months. It’s a vicious cycle that causes me a lot of anxiety. In those silent-treatment periods, I have tried reaching out and been ignored. I tried to give her space, and that only made her angrier. Being punished in this way feels terrible and unfair but seems impossible to avoid. Even after all these years, it is still difficult for me to predict what will make her angry. Lately, I am considering her emotions before I do anything — make social plans, set my work schedule, go out of town. I have never had a friend demand so much of my attention. I know she has strong insecurities stemming from a traumatic experience, giving her a powerful need to be chosen and needed. I’ve suggested therapy, but she will not go. I know this is not something I can control. Our lives and communities are so intertwined that cutting off the friendship does not seem like an option. And I don’t want to! When things are good, I really enjoy being friends. But when things are bad, I find myself praying she will move to another city. I feel trapped. I know I ought to draw better boundaries, but I just don’t know how. — Trapped | 
