This is a delicate question because it feels hard to say, under the patriarchal conditions that we live in, that a relationship is ‘just’ bad and not abusive. That ‘just’ in the label is doing a lot of work adjacent to victim-blaming so we need to tread carefully not to contribute to this societal gaslighting that trains women to expect and accept less.
Most often than not, a bad partner that is not overtly abusive but simply not pulling his weight is perceived as non-abusive, but it’s an illusion. Lack of effort or the wrong kind of effort (delivered with weaponized incompetence) do stem, for men, from their entitlement that they shouldn’t do things for women and should only be on the receiving end of relationship benefits. And that is abuse, even if not the overt kind.
Still, that doesn’t mean that every bad relationship is an abusive one; some people are genuinely incompetent at building or maintaining closeness; compatibility issues do exist, and there’s also the matter of intent to deal with.
So how can you tell if the relationship you’re in is just bad or if it’s emotionally abusive? ...
