'Women Can't Submit to Weak Men' - Debunking a Patriarchal Myth

Before we start, I have a quick favor to ask. I’m running a new survey on waiting in relationships and I’d love your input. You can fill it in here. Thank you!

I’ve seen this idea popping up in a lot of soft feminist spaces, pop psychology influencer discourse and social media, from relationship gurus and even couples’ therapists. Even from women who call themselves feminists. It’s frankly appalling.

It’s especially prevalent when people discuss dating dynamics. Even when it sometimes originates as a way of moving the spotlight of ridicule onto the entitled, misogynistic men who complain about women who ‘don’t know how to be submissive anymore’, it still validates the framing, which is a poisonous one from the start.

Now, for the record, before anyone pushes back on account of sexual dynamics, this isn’t about what people consensually choose to do or not in the bedroom. This is about the persistent manosphere idea, coming as a continuation of thousands of years of patriarchy, that men are supposed to be ‘leaders’ in their families and relationships and that women who refuse to help men maintain this fantasy are somehow withholding something essential from them. The status they are implicitly owed because their genitals entitle them to it.

This is about the men who feel aggrieved that the world is denying them this ‘leader’ status by which they usually mean the right to dominate, extract labor, emotional and sexual benefits with offering no more in return than a paycheck (which they partners also contribute). The manosphere is pushing this idea towards men that their sex entitles them to being ‘leaders’ in relationships and women who don’t offer them ‘submission’ are broken and unmarriageable. (Good riddance, and yes, it’s better to let the men who adopt these beliefs die alone like the miserable entitled wretches they are.)

And the people who retort that ‘women can’t submit to weak men’ think they are countering this misogynistic slop, but they’re doing it in a way that just validates this toxic framework of dominance and submission.

They are essentially saying that the man in that particular situation is lacking; not that the entire issue of men ‘leading’ and women ‘submitting’ in relationships is simplistic, dangerous, and a guarantee to have an unhappy relationship for all.

The deceptive appeal of ‘Women Become Submissive Only When The Man Is Worth It’

If you’re a feminist or trying to be one and you feel tempted to bash these entitled men a little by pointing out the contrast the entitled status they seek and their poor qualification for any position that contains the word ‘leader’ in it, I get it, I really do. You’re right, it is ridiculous how these men whine about not being treated like leaders when they can’t even do basic adulting by themselves.

It’s funny to point out what losers they are. I completely get that, especially since their entitlement reaches delusional levels.

Take this example from haileexoannelise on Threads. She’s pointing out the hypocrisy of entitled manosphere losers and listing their shortcomings, which is great. But she also says that they ‘don’t give us [women] anything worth submitting to’.

Here’s another women retorting to misogyny through a similar lens. She’s saying his entitlement is absurd not because submission in a relationship is absurd per se, but because it has to be earned. Which these men will take it to mean that it’s not absurd to expect it, they just need to pose into even bigger alpha bros to stand a chance to get it. It’s reinforcing their narrative instead of challenging it.

I get why it’s an attractive retort. These losers are indeed ridiculous. But replying along these lines just confirms the toxic ideas they already have. You may think you’re replying but you’re still playing their rigged game and confirming their sexist narratives.

Framing relationships through a domination-submission lens is a disservice to everyone.

This implies that if the men demanding submission would just be ‘better’ men or partners, women would gladly give them this submission.

But a man asking for that is never a good partner or a good person. In fact, tons of research point out that the only relationships that are happy is those where men are at least as egalitarian as their partners, both in declared values and in actions.

By shaming silly misogynists online through the inadequacy angle (I would submit, but you’re just not good enough) we are just confirming to them that the framework of women submitting to men who are leaders in relationships is correct. They’re just not worthy.

Misogynist men are already complaining about this idea in various forms: the so-called 80-20 rule (that says 80% of women are only attracted to the top 20% of men) or the