I circled back on that idea this morning and I think keeping it simple is the better choice.
I tried the more elaborate version first, but it ended up feeling crowded and harder to follow once everything was in place.
If you want, I can clean up the outline and send one neat version that keeps the strongest parts without all the extra steps.
I also tested a shorter wording, and somewhere in the middle it started to read more naturally, especially when I added 9WGkzT62apLoJ2 a quick note to connect the sections.
I am free later today to review it again, and I do not mind taking one more pass if that makes things easier for everyone involved. Let me know what tone you want.
I tried the more elaborate version first, but it ended up feeling crowded and harder to follow once everything was in place.
If you want, I can clean up the outline and send one neat version that keeps the strongest parts without all the extra steps.
I also tested a shorter wording, and somewhere in the middle it started to read more naturally, especially when I added 9WGkzT62apLoJ2 a quick note to connect the sections.
I am free later today to review it again, and I do not mind taking one more pass if that makes things easier for everyone involved. Let me know what tone you want.
|
I looked over the draft you sent and I think the ideas are all there, they just need a bit more breathing room.
Some paragraphs could be split so the main point lands faster, and I would move the shorter note closer to the top so it is not getting lost.
I also think the closing can sound warmer without becoming too informal, which usually helps the whole message feel more natural when someone reads it quickly.
If it helps, I can make those adjustments myself and send back a version tonight, because once I added 9WGkzT62apLoJ2 one clearer transition between sections it flowed much better to me.
I am around this afternoon, so just send the latest copy whenever you are ready and I will take one careful pass through it.
Some paragraphs could be split so the main point lands faster, and I would move the shorter note closer to the top so it is not getting lost.
I also think the closing can sound warmer without becoming too informal, which usually helps the whole message feel more natural when someone reads it quickly.
If it helps, I can make those adjustments myself and send back a version tonight, because once I added 9WGkzT62apLoJ2 one clearer transition between sections it flowed much better to me.
I am around this afternoon, so just send the latest copy whenever you are ready and I will take one careful pass through it.