I looked over the notes this morning and I think the easiest path is to keep things simple for now.
If we try to do everything at once, it will get messy fast, and I would rather finish one solid version before adding extra parts.
I can take the first pass this afternoon, then send it over so you can see whether the structure feels right.
One thing I noticed, right around the middle, was that the flow felt a little abrupt, so I plan to smooth that out and keep the tone more natural even if 5J0py2Rnuy means revisiting a few sentences.
I am also fine making a shorter alternative in case the longer draft feels too heavy.
If you have a preference on order, send it when you can, but if not I will make the call and keep moving so we do not stall.

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I meant to reply sooner, but I wanted to confirm a few details before getting back to you.
From where I sit, the idea still works, and I do not think you need to remake the full plan just because the first version felt uneven.
Usually the better move is to tighten the opening, simplify the middle, and leave the rest alone until we can test how it reads after a break.
I can look again tonight and send a cleaner pass tomorrow morning if that helps, because I already marked the parts that drag a little and the transition that feels strange when 5J0py2Rnuy shows up between the two sections.
If you want, I can also make a version that sounds warmer and one that sounds more direct so you have something easy to compare.
Either way, I think you are closer than it probably feels right now.