| Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: My husband has an older brother and older sister. His mom, Barb, is an amazing grandmother and mother-in-law. I’m pregnant with my first, and something about Barb keeps bugging me. I’ve never met my husband’s sister, Pam, and her family because she is estranged from my in-laws, specifically Barb. Now that I’m pregnant, my desire to know why is stronger than ever. My husband hasn’t gone into a lot of detail other than to say Pam thinks Barb favors boys. When I asked my sister-in-law (brother’s wife), she said she didn’t want to get involved. Barb has never brought it up, and the estrangement doesn’t seem to bother her or anyone else. When we were engaged, I tried many times to contact Pam, but I got no response. My sister-in-law claims that Barb has been such an excellent mother-in-law that her friends are jealous! Barb equally dotes on her grandchildren, defaults to my BIL’s and SIL’s rules, and never interferes or contradicts. The only clue I ever got was a comment Barb made about raising boys vs. girls: “I’d never speak to my daughters-in-law the way I’d speak to my daughter!” Then she said the “a son is a son until he takes a wife …” line. My dilemma is, when one sibling says Barb is a fantastic grandmother while the other one would probably say the complete opposite, do I let Barb around my kid? Do I keep a close eye on her? Do I contact Pam again? Is this estrangement no big deal? — What’s Up With Pam? | 
