| Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: What are the rules around showing up for family? I’m the youngest, so I got lucky when my mom showed up to my events. My parents always told me to show up and be supportive for my siblings, but when I expected the same, they said, “Your siblings are busy. You need to respect their time. You’re the youngest, so that’s life. They don’t need to show up to show they love you.” When I hit my 20s, a kind therapist let me off the hook, so I quit showing up for my family altogether unless it was the holidays. I felt great and never looked back. Now my brother is annoyed that I’m not interested in his upcoming wedding and fatherhood milestones. I’ve got my own family, and I’m busy! Last night, I texted him, “I’m showing up for you as much as you’ve ever shown up for me.” He never responded, but I’m getting grief from the others. Is there a nicer way to tell him that showing up is 99 percent of life? If he’s going to be a dad, then he needs to do better on that front. — Youngest | 
