To Be Useful You Must Risk Offending

First off, I’ve started a separate newsletter for all my writing on building with AI. You should subscribe to it if you want to learn more about harnessing AI in your work and life. Or if you want a good book to read, grab a copy of Husk or Crypto Confidential.

An under-appreciated consequence of social media and virality is how they’ve made the Internet less useful.

When I started writing online over a decade ago, there was no concept of going viral like there is today. It was almost impossible to write something contentious and have it amplified by people who disagreed with it, sending a horde to your digital door.

Those events have tamed in the last couple years, but one consequence from that era is more moderately opinionated people being less willing to share advice or insights.

I know it because I feel it. I’ve had the horde at my door, and while it doesn’t bother me nearly as much as it once did, it is still a nagging thought at the back of my mind when I begin to work on a piece.

I find myself asking: “Is writing this worth the possible backlash that will come from people who disagree with it?” And I have to admit I have a lot of articles which I think would be useful sitting in my drafts because I don’t want to deal with the naysayers.

I know that’s not a good reason. I know it’s cowardly. But the feeling is there. And I’m sure it’s even stronger for other people who have not been kicked around by the Internet before.

How many people out there have extremely useful insights and perspectives to share, who stay quiet because they don’t want to risk inciting the mob? What pieces haven’t been written? What mainstream ideas are squelched because they risk upsetting a tyrannical minority?

An idea I’m trying to hold tighter is that the only way to be useful here is to risk offending people. And perhaps if you’re not taking any risk offending people then it’s unlikely you’re saying something useful.

I don’t mean that you should try to offend people. Rather that it is so easy to offend people now, you have to accept that risk.

Some take it too far and accrue influence by deliberately presenting themselves as combative.

They know they’re going to get attackers when they talk about health or money or happiness or whatever. So to preempt that reaction, they take on an aggressive hyperbolic stance, inviting people to attack them in part because they know it will help their message spread.

Unfortunately it works. They do attract followers who like that kind of hard-headedness, but they alienate the more moderate people who want that information but feel turned off by the abrasiveness.

There is some truth to the idea that you are unlikely to go viral if you do not adopt some of this combative stance. But calmly presented, useful information, even that risks offending people, can still break through.

I knew when I wrote the post about having kids being better and easier than I expected, there would be people angered by it who tried to tear it down. But I decided the message was important enough that it was worth publishing anyway.

What I’ve seen since then has really confirmed this hypothesis, because while there were certainly people in the comments or on social media who attacked it, there were so many more people who agreed with it and either responded publicly or messaged me privately to thank me for writing it.

One person even said it moved up their timelines for having kids, and I can’t imagine anything else I’ve written has been as impactful as that.

It elucidated how deep this problem goes, too, because people shared how the ideas I wrote about have been whispered in parts of their friend group for years. How they know there are other parents who they can’t talk about it around and so they feel like they have to keep it a secret.

That’s a shame because a message like “having kids might be way better than you expect” should be something that everyone is comfortable saying (if they agree with it). But the fear of offense stifles that idea from getting out there, and would-be parents never hear it.

I even heard from a number of people in their 20s who had never heard someone say it. They’d only heard the people loudly complaining about parenthood!

I’m writing this in part as a reminder to myself. It is worth writing about topics even if they risk bringing the mob to your door.

Offending some people does not mean your efforts were in vain. Agreement is often quiet. It’s the likes, it’s the shares, it’s the nods as people read along at their computers that you never hear about.

So you have to write it.

The topic you’re avoiding out of fear might be the most important thing you ever publish.

Thanks for reading! Once again, I’ve started a separate newsletter for all my writing on building with AI. You should subscribe to it if you want to learn more about harnessing AI in your work and life. Or if you want a good book to read, grab a copy of Husk or Crypto Confidential.