LAST WEEK'S BREAKTHROUGHS

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to stop questioning a past choice and focus instead on one you have no doubts about.

My prompt came at the right time for Laura:

“I'm currently grappling with a bad case of Buyer's Remorse after my boyfriend and I bought a house. It's pretty, it's big and it was a good price, but my mind constantly wanders to the downsides (there is a big street in front, it's in a tiny village, it's a one-hour drive to my office...)—and this takes away my excitement about moving in and finally being able to design a place how we want without thinking about landlords.

But instead I could focus on a choice I'm really happy about: having decided to buy a house with my boyfriend. This is a big commitment (also financially for me) but there is no doubt in my mind that it's the right decision. And I know that our relationship is strong enough, even if, let's say, we decide to sell the house in a few years because it didn't turn out how we imagined it.

Thanks for the nudge, it really lifted my mood today and gave me a new perspective on my situation.”

Elena has been questioning her decision to return home:

“The choice that I keep questioning is whether I was wrong in returning to my home country after four years abroad. The life there had ups and downs but the professional part left me burnt out whilst personally/financially it was a great advantage.

Now that I am somewhat ‘safe at home’ I start questioning my choice, forgetting the hard times and remembering only the good parts (social security, financial, quality of life in terms of facilities for outdoor sports, fresh air, hikes). Although I know that burnout was hard to heal from, I now beat myself up for not trying harder while I was there to hold on to the good things for me and my son, and how stupid I was to be that weak and get into the burnout which led me to the choice of leaving the country.

I don't know how much this will keep haunting me and I know that I need to forgive myself. We are allowed to make mistakes. And after all, we have to be able to forgive ourselves.

Maybe I get a piece of advice from you for this message to push me forward—rather than staying anchored in the past.”

While Patrik from my Solved Membership community has been feeling shame for the opposite reason, his decision to move abroad:

“When I was in my early 20s I moved out to Los Angeles to pursue a career in Hollywood. I lived out there for five years and dug myself deep into debt trying to stay afloat until it became unsustainable and I had to move back home. I got a job waiting tables at the same restaurant I’d worked at when I’d graduated college and lived at my dad’s house for a year while trying to get back on my feet financially. I felt an enormous amount of shame about my ‘failure’ and I still think it permeates my thinking in a lot of ways.

The neurochemistry explanations in the Solved Courses are usually some of my favorite parts. It's really helpful for me to normalize these emotions and to realize I’m not alone in thinking/feeling the way I do, that it’s actually natural to a certain extent. Although I still have lasting shame from my actions almost two decades ago, there are some healthy benefits that came from the experience, like learning how to better handle money and a certain amount of pride that I did actually take the risk, even if it didn’t work out.”

If you want to benefit from the relentless research and structured daily activities of Shame, Solved Course like Patrik, you can learn more or join The Solved Membership here.

Or if you’re not ready just yet to unpack your shame, you can start with any of the four Solved Courses—Values, Procrastination, Emotions, and Happiness—that have changed hundreds of members’ lives. I hope to see you there.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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